scrumptious monkey

so much more than an amp -- and yet, not.

2.20.2006

Time...and vision improvement.

Going to see EJ and Double Trouble was the highlight of the week.
Well it's the highlight of any week, isn't it?

I'm getting acid reflux straight into my sinuses over the job situation. Yeaaah, I'm trying to keep out of the bad reality (El Mundo Malo) and think happy thoughts, but I can't seem to let the bad stuff dissipate.

I've never really ever been alone.
Being alone is different for everyone. There are degrees of aloneless that do not enter into the feelings of loneliness that make people go and do things they detest with people they hate rather than have to face themselves alone.

That's never been my problem.
In fact, I enjoy my own company too much.

I remember reading Anne Morrow Lindberg's passages on shutting out the daily noise to hear yourself think; I know Virginia Woolf's creedo of having a room of your own to write in. I genuinely embrace being alone; even as I know it's a hiding reaction, a retreat from the demands of the world..

I'm just not good at being in the flow of things. It's overwhelming and horrible. Give me a rut, huh? Predictable parameters of variables.

That's more my thing...

I feel like I'm walking a beach; with no destination, no sunrise or sunset; just an endless beach between the mother ocean and a barren shore. Part of me says, "Stop walking. there's nothing here for you -- go back and be what you are where you were."

and the Contrary perpertual adolescent inside of me says, "keep walking, at least it's exercise."

I'm walking...

••••••••• ••••••••• ••••••••• •••••••••

New glasses...


so I haven't been driving for a while. I didn't need to notice my distance vision was deteriorating at the rate of popsicles in the desert.... Well, all I needed it for was to see if the leftovers were still edible from the back of the frige.

but driving? [cough] erm, no.

Saturday I sat down with a very nice eye doctor who told me the condition of my eyes.
After I regained consciousness, she suggested I get an optiscan, just for her sake -- wanted to try to see how much hemorrhaging was going on behind my dirty windows -- cataracts, dears.

well come on people -- I've been living like a cave wight for 5 years! Y' think "Light baaad, dark gooood" is a studied habit from the Zombie handbook? Heck no -- like all good Zombies (is that an oxymoron?) things just deteriorate to help with the process.

I mean -- who's gonna be scared of a brand new cave wight?
A Revenant that still thinks it's a normal human type creature?
More likely you'll pity them...

Me and Marvin the People Personality Robot -- we need some torque. Ugh.

2 Comments:

Blogger SiouxZQue said...

Worried now..... Hemmoraging??
Please explain.

2/24/2006 7:35 PM  
Blogger Jeen Lilly said...

hemorrhaging is what happens to diabetic eyes (causing blindness) unless they are checked for broken blood vessels on an annual basis.
(That is, if caught; the hemorrhaging can be stopped surgically.)

The good news is -- I'm not hemorrhaging. There's some old damage, but nothing current.

The bad news is, I am developing cataracts -- which is the lesser of evils, all things considered.

They surgically remove (naw, maybe there's a magic potion?!) the aged, yellowed lens and replace it with an artificial lens when one's sight is at the required level of awfulness.

2/24/2006 8:53 PM  

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