DeskDrawer Exercise # 147...

many thanks Michelle Hakala for allowing the exercise to appear here.

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Exercise #147: Self Knowledge


This quote caught my attention:
"We seldom see ourselves as celebrities, but we are, all of us - only our degree of exposure varies. You are admired and looked up to by someone." - Don Aslett, Clutter's Last Stand

Assuming this is true, think about it and answer this question. Who looks up to you and why? Show us an example.Word limit: 1200

Please use the subject line:
SUB: Exercise #147/yourname

This exercise, if looked at seriously, will make us take stock of who might admire us, and what they might admire us for. We all have skills and talents, but so often we dismiss them as unimportant.

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augh! This one's going to be impossible. The first response was so great...
You all know what I think of what other people think of me, and the idea of someone actually admiring me -- looking up to me?! leaves me dumb-bunny-blinking-in-the-headlights stunned and blank.
My initial response:

I could tell you
Who my heroes are:
But me?

I'm nobody's hero.
Most of my life
I've been in

Hiding. Which
Suited my needs
At the time.

Not for me
Recognition and
Achievement.

Why would anyone
Chose to expose...
And so be opened

To misunderstanding?
I was turned inside
Out before I ever

Stood up; putting it
Into words that
Others can grasp

Without judgement;
being so exact with
Language to create

Myself in a reader's
Mind; without
Pity -- Just

Be there and under
Stood. Be there
And be

Real.
Then perhaps
I'll admire myself. But

Me?
I'm nobody's
Hero.

and then there was that great first entry from S.F., which used a forwarded email to build on:

Quote Susan Frank:
This is the e- mail I received the other day:
Subject: One Word

ONE WORD

Describe me in ONE WORD... just one word! Send it to me only, then send this message to your friends and see how many strange things people say about you! This could be fun! Just hit reply and send me my one word back. Then forward this message on to your friends (including me) Game On!

I found that a heck of a lot easier to write on!

Understanding
Loony
Inquisitive
Spoony

Excitable
Quidgy
Emotional
Dizzy

Obstreperous
Bombastic
Hysterical
Fantastic

Not-quite-there
sharp-as-a-tack
funny-as-hell
from-there-and-back

now if you'll excuse me
I'm calling the guy,
who thinks I'm fantastic;
to enumerate "why".

I love these DeskDrawer exercises; but I guess I'll only write comments / CRITS for this one...
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I did end up working out a reasonable submission -- Yay me.

word count:1052
________________

I figured out a long time ago we all assess and use each other as building blocks for our self esteem. Human beings are social animals; we need to interact with each other (for better or worse); more to the point we crave connections with others who are similar sparks of light and love that we aspire to tend.

"I am Jo's Mother."
"I am Harry's Grandson."
"I am in love with David."
"I belong to Scoots and Moo; I am warm furniture to them."

It's the nature of the beasts that we are.

The hard thing to get over in this assignment is the self effacing,"aw shucks ah ain't nuffin special"; as has been mentioned by others,we are programmed to be modest and not brag about our accomplishments: and it is an accomplishment, to be looked up to by others.

Parenthood is a step into heroism I wll never know. A friend of mine left a comment on my blog about this:

"A friend with older children, all three at least ten years older than mine, said that parenting requires coming to terms with the fact that you are the hero in someone's life."

so scratch that easy out. (um hmmm spoken with the casual ignorance of a non-parent.)

Ive been thinking about this for a bit, and reading the other submissions; putting aside my first reaction:

I could tell you
Who my heroes are:
But me?

I'm nobody's hero.
Most of my life
I've been in

Hiding. Which
Suited my needs
At the time.

Not for me
Recognition and
Achievement.

Why would anyone
Choose to expose...
And so be opened

To misunderstanding?
I was turned inside
Out before I ever

Stood up; putting it
Into words that
Others can grasp

Without judgement;
Bing so exact with
Language to create

Myself in a reader's
Mind; without
Pity -- Just

Be there and under
Stood. Be there
And be

Real.
Then perhaps
I'll admire myself. But

Me?
I'm nobody's
Hero.
~

After giving the exercise considerable thought, it turns out I'm admired and looked up to by so many people it's dizzying to contemplate.

First -- my family.

Although for most of my life I have wondered if I'm the cuckoo in the nest, or the lone surviving legitimate bird that's been run-over by cuckoos; my family unanimously considers me the brainiac of the lot. Though they'd rather attend a tractor pull than a poetry slam they have never belittled my tendency to read and write, and when they read what I've written ... well, I get a "that's really good" and a quick change of the subject.

What's funny (I hadn't thought of this for a while); when my elder sisters went back to school and enrolled in requisite composition courses at their local community colleges, I was the one who explained the assignments and drew them into getting their own words on paper. For a while I didn't feel like such a mutant; I felt useful and understood. Ok, ok the understood part might be stretching it a bit,but the useful part felt great.

Aside from being literate, I am also the funny one, and the Diffuser-of-Extreme-Reactions. My philosophy is, "There is nothing so dire or awful you cannot find the banana peel moment in it." I've been told by the hardest and the sweetest of the bunch that "things go smoother when you're around." Further, I was told, "You make the others less grating" -- although if that is by comparison...

It pays to not probe too deeply when it comes to family: Blood Is Blood, and much too easy to draw when sharp perceptions are raised in close quarters.
Speaking of which -- we aren't going to mention the gaping hole in my side where my husband used to be grafted; but if asked he'd speak well of me... Even now.

In all of my relationships I tend to keep contact with those who "Get The Joke". Not just the jokes I crack, but the Cosmic Comedy In Perpetuity. I have dozens of contacts through the web that (much to my surprise) have turned into great friendships in real life.

In fact -- life changing, relocating, astonishing opportunities have arisen from these web-based friendships that must have something to do with an observation recently shared with me that is the most stunning complement I've even gotten:

"The power of your pen has brought you love, and I expect it's done that all your life."

Thinking on that, I realized a number of people I'll never meet look up to me and enjoy my company when I'm nothing but words on the screen.

And then there's the other side of notoriety...

As a forum Moderator and part of management in MSN groups I've found that for every one person who admires and looks up to you for whatever reason or need they have that you seem to fulfill, there are two people who despise you and wish you ill -- not that it's personal, just that for a certain type of person it is easier to be negative towards someone who rubs you the wrong way than apply the brain power toward understanding what-it-is that rubs *you* the wrong way.

I don't take it personally, as I laugh at myself a lot: you know the saying:
"Blessed are we who can laugh at ourselves, for we shall never cease to be amused."
My personal amusement level is is set on scintillating simmer. [she chuckles splendiferously to herself.]

My friends admire my way with words, my agreeable disposition, thoughtfulness, and good sense of humor -- But it's easy to do things for the people you care about and want to share pleasant times with.
What works for me is being open to new things, honest with myself, and loving people "as is". I believe the more we love, the more we are loved: it's as sure as the tides, as easy to observe as the movement of the wind.

I guess I'm mostly admired for reminding people of stuff like that.